My job stresses me out to no avail. I think the stress has manifested itself physically as I have a hard time sleeping at night, constantly have a headache and my lower jaw is tight. I'm falling a part and I'm only 25!
Today I had 4 kids scheduled to see in the afternoon. Today, only two showed up. Productivity was missed again.
In my frustration, I ran to a safe place; a quiet place; a place of refuge; My church. Over the last two months, I usually find myself at the church at least one afternoon a week. Sometimes I'll just go and walk around; sit in the lobby on one of the couches or chairs; find a quiet corner or go in the prayer room. There, I'll sit and share my frustrations and hopes with God. Usually my frustrations revolve around my current job and purpose in life.
Today's scenario: Both kids I pay a visit to, in some passive or blunt way, tell me my job is not helping at all; that I'm wasting my time with them. One of the kids I have seen for a year,the other, 5 months. I just walked away feeling like a failure. In my mind, I have given them tools to equip them to do better in life...job applications, references, a listening ear, etc. Yet they don't take any of it and their lives don't ever seem to change. I honestly don't know if they ever will.
As I shared this with God today, I felt like God was listening and sharing his heart with me. He pointed out Ezekiel 33. He pointed out a passage in Luke chapter 9...I left feeling encouraged that God even cared about my heart. He, too, knows what it feels like to be rejected despite giving His children love and discipline. I thank God for His compassion on me today.
It can be so easy for me to get down and discouraged, especially working in this field. But I am encouraged to keep walking by faith and listening to hear God's sweet, still voice speak. Amen!
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