I saw two good friends of mine get married this weekend. It was a beautiful wedding, really.
I saw a friend of mine at the wedding. This friends of mine played such a vital role in my life regarding healing deep rooted wounds. We got really close in college; our friendship was refreshing and encouraging, healthy and thriving. I didn't think such a friendship could occur between male and female. I really did look at him like an older brother despite the fact that he was so much smaller and short than me. He went away for a year to serve Christ, returned to the U.S. engaged to the woman of his dreams, a woman I had hoped he would marry, and eventually got married.
Things change. I knew it had to once he started dating and eventually married his wife. But I noticed at some point after returning home and thereafter that things really changed between he and I. In fact, I really didn't notice it that much. It didn't really bother me that he stopped returning to my emails or didn't really talk to me whenever we saw each other sporatically.
I remember sending him an email inquiring about his life and marriage as I routinely did every couple of months. As normal, I didn't receive an email for a while. When he finally responded, he explained without giving much reason, that the lapse in time between emails and the limited interaction we had was quite intensional. He stated that he had distanced himself from me on purpose and for a reason. And he ended the email stating that such behavior, from his end, would continue but that he didn't mind if I continued to send him emails concerning my life from time to time, as I had done over the last couple of years.
What?!
My initial response was quick and fiery. I didn't understand. What had I done wrong? Why did someone I cared about so much decide to distance themselves from me? Why didn't he tell me? My friends witnessed my despair regarding the situation. There was something that wasn't being made know to me. I was encouraged to "think the best of him" during the time when nothing was said. I won't lie, I was terribly wounded.
I had often heard it stated the deep friendships between men and women cannot really take place. I fought hard to disprove that theory. But in this situation, i began to lose hope that such a friendship could really occur. I had also heard that in most of such male/female friendships, one party always ended up liking one another. I thought to myself that surely this could not be the case in this particular situation.
I was wrong.
My friend did respond and explained that in one point in our friendship, he had considered pursuing me. However, things worked out for him and his now wife, and that was that. He had distanced himself after marriage for the protection of his own marriage. He knew that dangers of engaging in emotional affairs and thusly, distanced himself from me.
Things have never really been the same since. I don't feel as wounded now that I have knowledge of the situation. I feel honored that someone as amazing as him thought about pursuing me for a date. I can't say I ever felt the same for him. I respect him so much for making the decision to distance himself from me for the sake of his marriage. His relationship with his wife is one that I really look up to a lot. I no longer have that friendship I cherished so much, but I understand why it has to be this way.
It was nice to see him at the wedding and to talk for a few minutes.
Although life goes one, I still question whether or not deep friendships can happen between men and women.
Open for thoughts...
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